argumentation essay 7

I had a essay just need some help finishing it. I received feedback from a peer on this essay and need a few corrections made.

Heres the feedback

Hello Daryl, I think that you chose a topic that gave a very good argument. I did like how your title gave pretty much a summary of your entire paper. When reading the title I immediately knew what your argument was going to be about. Something that stood out to me was how you began your paper with a question as your thesis statement. It made me think to myself and form an opinion of my own before even reading the paper. I could tell after reading your paper that you agree with technology posing a threat to our private lives. I also agree with you and am for the argument because honestly, technology is scary now. It can do so much and we only know so little about what all technology knows about us. I was able to follow your paper and paragraphs when transitioning. However, there are a few little mistakes that I think you could tweak before turning in the final copy. Be sure to check the MLA format again before submitting this paper because your name and stuff should be in the top left corner under the header which I did not see also. Sometimes my computer goes crazy so this may not even be a problem, it’s just not appearing correctly on mine if so. When you are quoting what someone says like in paragraph three about Solove, be sure to put quotations around what was said. In your very first sentence, instead of saying “How many are we out there depending on…,” you might could say how many other people in the world are depending on…” In the third sentence be sure to capitalize “we.” In paragraph five, maybe you could end the sentence after every single step taken, and then begin the next sentence with for example. These are just a few little things I caught that could help you achieve a better grade. Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay and experiencing your point on your topic.

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